Bad Guy / Good Guy

I have this tendency to assess someone's history or situation a person is in before judging him. That being said, it is perfectly normal when there is a clash of ideas (I refuse to call it a quarrel unless both parties are set to cut off ties with each other) and I begin to analyse why does the problem exist in the first place?

99.9999% of the time, I end up with the same conclusion: there is a clash of personality types.
FYI, your personality includes the way you think and problem-solving skills too. 

You see, the 'quarrel' would not have existed if not for the different ways both parties perceive it to be. A wife may see the lack of children in the house as a more peaceful environment, while the husband may think of it as overwhelming loneliness. In this situation, it is not entirely right to say that the former is a pessimist, while the latter is an optimist, just because you love kids.

There is a reason why like-minded people herd together and form clubs, societies and even constitutions. Finding your 'home' from another home where you get accepted for your beliefs and/or interests is one thing, not leaving it, is another. There is a danger zone in the comfort zone itself, where it is almost like a blackhole - it takes a shit ton of effort to leave after entering it. You get blinded to the diversity in society and forget that other 'weird' people exist, even though you see them on the streets all the time.

THE REAL PROBLEM HERE IS, people don't always put into consideration a person's situation or history before assuming that he/she is at fault. There's really no point in arguing with them because 1) you either get accused for causing the problem without any chance of justifying yourself, 2) you get indirectly accused for causing the problem, because the other party just gives up totally or doesn't even try understanding what you perceive, and ends up not solving the problem altogether.

Either way, you are deemed as the bad guy just because you don't see things the same way as others / you don't counter problems the same way as others / you don't approach matters or people the same way as others.

I'm tired.

xx

Why Being Introverted Sucks - Really.

Let's just say this topic may be a little touchy for some, but I had been meaning to pen this down for a long time now. To start things off, I guess revealing my personality type might help. I am an INTJ (introverted, intuitive, thinking, judging). It basically means I am highly introverted, but my thoughts are extraverted. Not fun at all. Just imagine yourself being caged up against your will without any means of asking someone to let you out. For more info click here! 

In today's world (more specifically, Singapore), jobs in the banking and finance / business sector draw many oohs and aahs followed by "how much do you earn?" Whereas people thriving in the art and science sector get the same "how much do you earn?", projecting that obvious sarcasm with a tinge of doubt. It is normal that society sees money as top priority when searching for jobs, given the current times. What really bothered me was how it portrays the introverts.

According to statistics, 50-74% of the population worldwide are extroverts while the rest of the 16-50% are introverts (I'm not alone?!). Here you can already tell that the world is run by extroverts. Schools promote and encourage group work to enhance a student's social skills, debates and presentations are more widely practiced now than before. Most of the time, you can't NOT excel in an interview without giving an impression where you sound like an extrovert. 

Most lies go like this: "I like working with people and learning about them. I believe this [position] will give me an opportunity do so, and even let myself grow and make more friends!" Bullshit, bullshit, utter bullshit. Is what an introvert would have most likely said. 

So, really, why does being an introverted suck (if you don't already get the point)? Here are the 5 biggest, fattest points that I feel the need to throw at the 50-74% of your faces. 

1. People think you are sad all the time

And THAT, makes me sad. It saddening how people approach me with concern and go "are you alright?" While I understand that hanging out in groups make you feel wanted and appreciated, we introverts do not need the big groups. In fact, we do not want those. Also, we hate how we are "pitied on" just because we are that kid eating alone in a table for four at a cafe, or studying alone even during the peakest of hours. 

2. People think you are shy (and boring)

THAT'S JUST INSULTING. If you're an extrovert, does that mean you aren't boring? What's so interesting about your life that I must know about? Your trip to town with friends last weekend, or last Wednesday's tgiw at Zouk with your girlfriends? I don't need to know about that among the dozens of other generic photos flooding my social feeds. My boyfriend is an extrovert and he is scared of heights and adrenaline (I find it cute and hilarious), and I LOVE THEM. How am I boring again?

3. We are never the first choice

We don't have to be the life of the party or basking in the limelight at a gathering. We just hate how some people only pay attention to the "loud-thinkers" and never consider the opinions of the quieter ones. Yeah, sure, we could raise a question out loud and speak (yes, we are capable of doing that.) but to us, nothing matters if no one is willing to listen. In interviewss, who gets chosen more often? No prices for guessing the right answer.

4. Turning down invitations

Introverts recharge from time alone, and extroverts do it by mingling with people. Our source of energy is from the inside, where we find peace and little to no human presence. In order to do so, we have turned down so many invitations from friends that we are experts at coming up with excuses. From feeling unwell to having last minute make up lessons, we have all escape plans at our fingertips. As a result, we have a lack of friends... which kinda sucks. Sometimes.

5. When we are offered help from others

This may sound ridiculous, but we LOATHE being offered help. It's hurting our already overlooked pride. We would rather ASK for help (at the last resort) than being offered help. There is a 90% chance that we will reject your help the moment you offer it, then make sure that we get the job done OURSELVES and show it off. We will never understand people who can never be alone. Independence is our biggest strength, I'd say!

xx

You're Ugly And Fat. So What?

Most of the time, people feel offended or upset they get called "ugly" or "fat". "Short" and "you have laugh lines" work too. But why? Is there really a need to react like that?

Here's the thing, this is not going to be another one of those posts where I teach you to love yourself and tell you you're beautiful and no one can tell you otherwise. To me, those are bullshit. Anyone can tell me I'm ugly, in other words, not beautiful. My parents tell their friends I'm short and have no boobs. Nobody has ever successfully taught me how to love myself. Heck, what does 'love yourself' mean anyway? To workout and eat clean everyday? To feel positive and fill my life with 'good vibes' everyday? HOW DO PEOPLE EVEN DO THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY?

Face it, most of the time when you look into the mirror, you see thick thighs, an asymmetrical face, flabby arms, a bulging tummy and the list goes on (most likely longer than those legs). So what? Aren't those just characteristics of your body parts? When someone says "you are fat", they most probably mean it. Unless they are assholes who tell that to everyone they hate or something of that sort, yes they do mean it. So what?

Fat, short, stubby, too skinny, ugly, loud; they are all adjectives to describe us. Even the dictionary agrees. Of course I admire models on Tumblr and even my close friends who have good-looking features, but if they have it then let them flaunt it (in every right way possible). For us, it's alright to not be as good-looking isn't it? I am better at making stupid jokes than X who just got 3486 likes on her Instagram post in 15 minutes. I am better at math than Y who distracts me in class every lesson with her good looks. I am better at writing than Z who never has to worry about having meals alone.

My point is to let the good-looking people do their thing, and we can continue with ours. If you think you are good-looking, go ahead and do your thing and be good at it! If you dress well, continue doing it and get better! If you draw well, draw the good-looking, AND the ugly! If you still can't find anything you are good at (like me), find every opportunity to try things out that you believe you have a chance to show yourself off. It's okay to show off, but never be arrogant. Continue learning as if you know nothing at all in the first place. Diving into more experiences lets you understand yourself more instead of wallowing in self-pity or wasting time away.

Life isn't all beautiful. Look at the Gaza crisis, MH370 / MH17 and the state of humanity as a whole. Stop wasting time trying to make yourself think that life is beautiful and start living. Get out of your comfort zone. I never knew I'd like photography until I saved up for a camera. I never knew I'd like serving customers until I got into the F&B industry. You think you are fine with what you have now, but you never know what may just change your lifestyle for the better forever.

If life is comfortable for you, you aren't living.

The next time someone calls you something "negative", suck it up, because that's you. The world has decided the negatives and positives for you so much that you have believed in it.

I am not fat but fatter than average, I have laugh lines, I have single eyelids with barely visible eyelashes that can never be curled (I'm serious!), I have thick thighs, and very bad skin because of eczema. What about you? :-)

xx

Photo Outings: Geylang Serai

So as promised, here are the rest of the photos from my trip to Geyang Serai mainly for my photojournalism assignment! The 50 years old Haig Road Market is set to undergo intensive upgrading works to enhance accessibility for the residents. With such a large number of Muslims in the area, being a Chinese with a camera attracted many stares (both hostile and friendly)... but it was all worth it.  

Life is simple and quiet on weekdays, but quite the opposite in the weekends. Foreign domestic workers meet up here - some even prepare a feast fit for king(s) - to celebrate their off days with friends. Bangladeshi workers often hang out with them as well, and I felt totally foreign in this area on a weekend. 

You know Hari Raya Ramadhan is approaching when you see metal structures set-up for.... THE GIANT HARI RAYA BAZAAR AND I CAN'T WAIT HURHURHUR. Think Ramly burgers and cheap pasar malam food and henna... Yes Singapore is great because of the different cultures and food everywhere!

-----

On a side note, I'm really glad I got into photojournalism because I can do what I love and get graded for it.
This may just be my favourite semester yetttt. 

More photos on my vsco grid! www.heyitsandra.vsco.co

xx

Let it be, let it be.

Wow I'm surprised people still read my posts. Thank you to those who still do.

This new semester has been particularly different, with new vibes and big changes which took me some time to get accustomed to. Can't say I'm particularly hating it, neither can I say the opposite. That aside, I have been trying to uplift my emotions lately and noticed more than usual about the people around me.

Whenever we see the seemingly richer or more fortunate friends get what they want or wish for, our insides die a little. We try to feel happy for him/her, but cannot help but to feel jealous too. What is important to remind myself is that everyone, including such people, are fighting their own battles everyday. It may sound very cliche, but the truth is always difficult to grasp. This has always been on my mind and I find myself appreciating people a little more, bit by bit. 

The funny thing is how people turn up for lessons, meetings and/or in front of their friends with bright and cheery smiles but know how much they are hurting inside and refuse to do anything about it. Social networking sites seem like the best place to rant and vent, but they do not solve problems. When I say "I don't care" about your need for rest, need for more time or travelling problems, I mean it when you rant about it endlessly for days or worse, weeks! If you can do something about it, do it; if you can't do anything about it, let it be. 

One thing many really need to learn the meaning of is the phrase I just used, "let it be". It took me several years of downfalls and lessons to fully understand the meaning of it. Just three simple words, and they made a great new difference in my life. 

Let it be, let it be, let it be.

--

Also, I think I should upload photos from my photo essay assignments here soon.

Here's a preview!

xx

"I'm fine"

I have been using "I'm fine" too much lately, it lost its meaning.
Two simple words, a great difference they make.

Set aside a place so deep in my head that even my conscious mind fails to find it,
a place so untouchable that absolutely nothing comes in contact with it.

//

How is it even possible to tell yourself "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine" countlessly so your brain believes you?

You bury your sadness so deep in the forgotten ruins of your heart that you 

confuse the absence of sadness with genuine happiness. 

Sometimes, all you need is someone who truly cares and tells you "you're not fine" countlessly instead. You get mad, you become unsettled.

"I am fine, just leave me alone!"

Tears streamed down; you're not fine, you're not fine.
Why are you crying? You don't even know.
Why are you not fine? You thought you'd forgotten.
"I am not okay."

It's time to fill my life with the presence of genuine happiness.

//

To Nic,

Your shoulders are where I run back to for solace, strong and sturdy.

Your hands catch my tears as they fall, soft and warm.

Your lips speak of the truth about me, comforting and peaceful.

Your soul connects with my feelings, raw and uncut.

You will always be my constant. Thank you, I love you.

--

To Dieu,

Your jokes are the worst, lame and stupid.

Your gold stars shine, bright but unnoticed.

Your insults last forever, loud and mean.

Your overly-nice attitude... oh honey.

I will always be your buffalo wing. Thank you for being mine, you idiot. 

I hate you but I love you.

xx

Photo outings: MBS

So I've been lugging my camera out lately to explore places in Singapore ever since I found out that my schedule had been cleared just. like. that. Long story about that so let's just skip it.

I will upload the photos bit by bit in time to come, so here's the first batch!

All credits to the fabulous Gordon cos it was a crazy hot day and I didn't have the mood to shoot with sweaty palms and smudging makeup and untied hair. So... I sorta became his assistant and carried his 100kg Macbook around.

All unedited because I'm lazy and edited ones will go up on Instagram instead.. maybe.

Sunburnt Japanese boys

"Mooooom why is it so hot"

Moving on to well-dressed/good-looking people:

Okay not exactly well-dressed but I love the colours!

I was this close to asking for a picture with him.

Aaaaand everybody loves the bicycle man!

No better way to scream for attention just by sitting in a corner than to don on a Commes des Garcon shirt, pink and round glasses, have your hair
bunned up neatly, wear branded accessories and carry a large Note III with an even larger Chanel phone case.

Now on to my favourite shots of that day!

Well-dressed: check
Look professional and natural: check
Pose right in front of Prada: check

She reminds me of Stylenanda I love it.

This is just plain funny because
1) guy's expression
2) guy's t-shirt

 That's about it! There are actually more but I refuse to bore you with them. 

Once again, credits to Gordon. He's amazing. :-)

More long overdue shots coming soon!

xx