I have always wanted to post this at the end of the year; a cliche but appropriate way (I guess?) of thanking all who impacted my life, in one way or another. If I had offended anyone unintentionally, I truly am sorry. Otherwise, if I had offended you intentionally, lol I bloody mean it.
Posted a short montage on Instagram about this entire year right from the start. I know right, I can fit my moments of 2013 in 15 seconds! Perks of having little friends! Kidding, I just don't want too many friends.
People everywhere are like "2014, please be good" or "2014 will be my year" yada yada yada. I don't even know anymore, so what if the year is good or bad to you? Life still goes on. What I believe in is being a better person every year so 2014 will be my year. Is it wrong to refuse to put studies first but instead, 'living life'? Yes I know there will be people saying "aiya this one confirm everyday go paktor go play then get bad grades" ok lor you good you best you go earn all the money next time and find your happiness ok.
Truthfully speaking, my biggest mistake in 2013? To not choose JC instead. I could've gotten in SAJC or something. Anything but poly............ dreading every school day isn't working out for me. What I am left with now is to breeze through this 3 years now. SIGHS HEAVILY. SEE I STILL CARE ABOUT ACADEMICS.
T'was a long long loooong year, did many foolish things (not even kidding) which I regret so fucking much, but amazing people made it up for me. I have no idea how 2014 will turn out, but those who stepped into my life, whether or not you exited, I am thankful for however you changed me. Without you, I won't be who I am today. Yes, decisions define a person's future, but it is the people around him/her who influence the decisions. So here I am, melting my heart as cold as ice, thanking people with my heart as warm as Singapore's weather.
2013 isn't exactly the best year, so here's a short poem to end everything. 12 months, 12 verses.
// Surrender //
January
Recovering from hurt
hurt from the past
It's a new beginning,
once again
February
Are beginnings still beginnings
if they repeat over and over?
She was unsure,
until someone came along
March
Someone with a large bag
A large bag of empty promises
or maybe it's just her
who was empty in the head
April
New people, better life?
That's what she (and everyone else) thought.
But in a small pond,
only the largest fishes survive.
May
The smaller fishes grew weaker
survival became increasingly impossible
She could not keep up anymore
Time, stop!
June
All she wanted was time alone
With good old buddies maybe.
Never would she have thought
a request for a best friend could do so much.
July
Still naive as ever
often forgetting to rebuild walls
every time it was broken down.
Again, left clueless and broken.
August
A best friend, she thought.
I want her, he thought.
Pfft, Fate thought.
Never expect me, Unexpectation thought.
September
Never had she been happier
with this thing called Life
It wasn't all nice
countless times she fell, and stood back up.
November
Several breakdowns and laughter later,
she realised how precious time is.
Her time could be ended now,
or when you are reading this.
December
It's only then she understood
separation and anxiety.
How to treasure,
and let go.
"I will tuck 2013 into bed and wake on 2014 with a strong cup of coffee."
- Tammin Sursok
xx
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