What makes life good?

You gotta admit, life isn't a bed of roses. I was in the shower the other day when my thoughts brought me back to my childhood days, then to my future where my life was totally in my hands. Then I started questioning myself, were all that I did worth it? Were the pushing through and endurance, all worth my blood, sweat and tears? What made it worthwhile? What made my life bearable? 

Just a quick background story about myself before we continue... 

I was always one of the more mature ones in school ever since young, and I couldn't really get along well with the other 'cool' kids because I LOVED reading. That, and water-play times in kindergarten. I didn't like times at the playground as that meant social interaction. I can't do the talk/introduce myself/sound interesting thing. I AM a boring person. I started thinking about life and my future at a young age, around 9-10, which made me an even more boring person. Ha. 

Then came this period of time where I tried to be cool and all but found out it isn't really my thing... and my best friends started leaving me because they found someone 'better'. In addition, my relationships were crap because serious matters cropped up along the way (not the ridiculous "I lost my feelings for you" shit) which chained my morale down by so much, people could tell I had a rough night the next day. I cared a lot, last time. Of course, I was too nice to hold onto any grudges or throw insults at anyone 'cept when I'm with my best friend (who is still my best friend). I guess people just took advantage of it... or they took me for granted or I just don't deserve them? 

I grew kinda depressed for a short few weeks until I decided to pull myself together ('cos if I didn't, who would?) and grew to be super independent. I refused to rely on anyone except myself, which explains my moulded character today. I am proud to say I have been through tough times and I have grown stronger, wiser, more mature, and I am ready for more of what life has in store for me. 

Back to the topic now, what makes life good? I couldn't see it during those shitty times, but looking back now, I was a helluva blessed and if not, lucky girl. 

I had friends who accepted me for who I am. My parents supported me in whatever I did. I swear, they're the most uncool parents ever, but they're the best. My dad? He's played such a huge role in my childhood but I've failed to realise this till this year. I am the worst daughter, I swear. He's probably the only person I know who can live without anything but a home, food and water. And his daily cup of coffee. I ain't daddy's girl, he knows how independent I am, mentally and physically, thus I get lots of freedom compared to my friends. I've never had curfews! My parents trust me, I have a brother who knows what I like/want/do, idk man I just think I don't deserve all these. 

I could've been happier. Should have, could have. 

And then came Nic oh my god I swear I have never opened up so much to someone before like nobody's ever seen me this retarded/happy before. I have terrible sweaty palms. And eczema. I can't take too much seafood. I perspire a lot. I don't look good in pictures. I can't speak up well. I am the worst entertainer. I don't have a nice body. All these, and someone is still willing to take me for who I am. I still can't believe it till now, really. The best is when you get to live life with the ones you love, the ones who love you back and do what you love. 

My old man always told me to live simple, never complicate things and always be aware of situations. How I've always put that advice aside, I don't even know how or why, but I'm slapping my 10 year old self in my mind now. Only now do I realise, how fucking real the world is and that amongst this gargantuan universe full of endless possibilities, all we need is as little as possible in order to live life to its fullest. Less, is more. 

Grow up, get married, find a job, pay bills, buy a home, clear taxes, have children, retire, die. How dull...  Can you imagine if people aren't afraid to do what they love and just do whatever the fuck they want? It'd be too awesome! I always wanted someone to share the fun with. I mean fun isn't fun if you're not fun because fun isn't fun if there is no fun. Never mind if you didn't get that, just know that life is much better stripped down and simple, loosen up and do what you want before you start to regret afterwards. 

xx

p/s: I'm sorry I can't post as frequently as I thought I could, exams and school and the bullcrap y'knw. I have no choice and I. am. exhausted... but I promise new poems/short stories/something you suggest maybe? when the holidays are here!!