Anchored.

I'm a mess, I'm a mess, I'm a mess.

That, was all I could say pretty much for this entire month.

Have you felt like you hit rock bottom?

Of course you have.

But have you felt like you can never get back up, 

no matter how hard you try?

They say to always look at the bright side,

even if you don't seem to see it.

You try your best

to search, and search, and search.

Everything, to no avail.

It is not just another rock bottom.

The bottomest of all bottoms, the lowest of all lows.

You reach the point where you fail to see good anymore,

not even the slightest bit.

The videos that made you giggle,

his smiles that warmed your heart,

the jogs that gave you the zest,

they no longer are the reasons to get out of bed every morning.

I mean it when I say I feel helpless.

I could trust myself, it was all for myself.

('cos who has time to rely on others?)

Whenever I fell, I forced myself to get back up, and I would succeed.

I was not any one-hit wonder or all-rounded who could ace in anything,

I was glad I could just do things on my own, no matter how much I had to try again.

For those doubts that swirl all around me

For the life that tear at the seams

I know

I am not what I've seen

I couldn't help but break down in front of my friends while Nic hugged me. He held me tight.

I felt so, so, so helpless, and I hated it. I couldn't stop.

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK," my thoughts screamed.

As if ruining our night out was not bad enough, I cried again while at the poolside.

Under the night sky, peaceful as ever, I cleared my mind while resting on Nic.

His arms are home. I was safe.

So much angst, rage, and emotions raging through my veins, I could almost feel my eyes turn red.

I pictured myself screaming my lungs out by a lake, but all that came out of my eyes were tears.

Silent tears. Nic continued to hold me. We stayed quiet and allowed my emotions to flow.

My tears stained his shirt. "Sorry," I said softly. He gave me a peck on the cheek.

I wondered how having someone to love who loves you back, makes you weaker than ever.

((Reference to Teenwolf))

No, it's true. It was a risk I had to take, and I was willing to take.

"You just need a fixed point in your life, where you can work things out from.
I will be your fixed point. It's okay to rely on others sometimes. It's okay."

The worst part? I could not figure out what the HELL was wrong with me, or my life.

I just wanted something, anything, to fall into place for once because nothing had been going right.

Also, two major setbacks in a week was too much, given that they were my worst nightmares.

My two greatest nightmares happened, in a week; is life done with me already????

God, if you are there, please stop this. I beg of you.

For all of the times we've stopped

For all of the things I'm not

We put one foot in front of the other

We move like we ain't got no other

We go where we go

We're marchin on

xx