"I'm fine"

I have been using "I'm fine" too much lately, it lost its meaning.
Two simple words, a great difference they make.

Set aside a place so deep in my head that even my conscious mind fails to find it,
a place so untouchable that absolutely nothing comes in contact with it.

//

How is it even possible to tell yourself "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine" countlessly so your brain believes you?

You bury your sadness so deep in the forgotten ruins of your heart that you 

confuse the absence of sadness with genuine happiness. 

Sometimes, all you need is someone who truly cares and tells you "you're not fine" countlessly instead. You get mad, you become unsettled.

"I am fine, just leave me alone!"

Tears streamed down; you're not fine, you're not fine.
Why are you crying? You don't even know.
Why are you not fine? You thought you'd forgotten.
"I am not okay."

It's time to fill my life with the presence of genuine happiness.

//

To Nic,

Your shoulders are where I run back to for solace, strong and sturdy.

Your hands catch my tears as they fall, soft and warm.

Your lips speak of the truth about me, comforting and peaceful.

Your soul connects with my feelings, raw and uncut.

You will always be my constant. Thank you, I love you.

--

To Dieu,

Your jokes are the worst, lame and stupid.

Your gold stars shine, bright but unnoticed.

Your insults last forever, loud and mean.

Your overly-nice attitude... oh honey.

I will always be your buffalo wing. Thank you for being mine, you idiot. 

I hate you but I love you.

xx