Not anymore.

Our eyes met. How we met, though, it was all a blur.

Her silhouette against the only light entering the room through the french windows; it all looked like a scene from a drama. I was fuming mad, burning. She was just ten steps away, yet it seemed like a thousand. "Please," I cried, showing as much sincerity as I could.

We held hands, kissed each others' cheeks randomly, surprised each other and planned dates. Loving each other was not a chore, sex was natural not forced, and each day was significant.

"I can't. I'm sorry. Really." She turned from the window to face me. Those eyes, they weren't sparkling anymore. They showed emptiness, I couldn't find myself in them. I sunk into the armchair; elbows on my knees, my hands rubbed my temples furiously. Why do all good things come to an end?

He brought me to see his parents, I was treated like the princess of the family. What did I do to deserve such great love?

My phone lit up. It was a text from my best friend. "How's it goin?" It read. He knew about it before I did but was too afraid to let me know. He wanted the best for me, I knew. I didn't blame him, but I couldn't help but rage at that moment when I found out. I reached out to my phone and faced it down, refusing to accept the truth that it's all ending.

I fell in love all over again. Not with him, but with my best friend, Jenna. We were too close to be just 'girlfriends'.

All of a sudden, that rush of regret, melancholy, and memories surged through my body, and forced me to get up from my seat. I strode towards her and threw her my supposedly last hug and made sure it lasted long and tight which made her feel secure. 

We held hands, kissed each others' cheeks randomly, surprised each other and planned dates. Loving each other was not a chore, sex was natural not forced, and each day was significant.

Her warmth wasn't the same anymore. 
My heart couldn't stay anymore. 
Our connections weren't there anymore.
Not anymore. 

The hands I held,
the lips I kissed,
the surprises,
the way we touched each other,
everyday since then,
they were not the same anymore. 
Not anymore.



xx